If we believe that our lives are shaped by outside forces, we will find it difficult to change anything in them. We and only we are responsible for our own un/happiness.
Taking responsibility for things we can influence goes hand in hand with making choices. We make a choice and we need to take full responsibility for it. Those who play the innocent suffer from enormous psychological and/or emotional distress, often without realising it. It manifests as hatred, anger, contempt, and frustration with oneself, with others, or with external forces.
“Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
Change involves accepting responsibility for making choices in life. However, most of us decide against investing any energy in personal development through therapy; instead, we choose to change the environment around us. Thus, we live our lives running away, only to keep finding ourselves in similar situations over and over again.